


To love and be Destroyed

by Kaokita



Category: Banana Fish
Genre: Don't worry they'll have the happy ending they all deserve, High School Gangs, M/M, School Life, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-06-07 10:12:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15216914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaokita/pseuds/Kaokita
Summary: Eiji is new to a school in tokyo where he meets gang leader Ash lynx and falls into a life of love he never thought he could have.





	1. An introduction

**Author's Note:**

> I really needed to write some happy smut for these kids for my sanity

Eiji was nervous, to say the least. His hands were sweaty, his heart was racing. He wanted to bale, he wanted to go back home and hide under the safety of his blankets where no one could bother him. He hated meeting new people like this, to this extent. A new school, a new life. He wasn’t ready. 

He stood outside the school gates and took a deep, ragged breathe. He felt like everyone was watching him as they poured into the school in groups. He stood out, all alone. 

Being alone suited him though, it’s how he lived his life up until now. He was a loner, a loser. He didn’t mind this lifestyle, it was comfortable. His sister used to tell him if he got too comfortable being alone he would die alone. Well that was just fine with him, if it meant he could shelter himself from getting hurt. He read books, he knew the pain of getting to close to others. He didn’t want any part of it. 

“Yo, you lost?” He sprung up and back and something hard backed against him. Did he hit a wall? No, he was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, no walls around here. He turned around, his heart was hammering in his chest and he felt his breathe catch. He was so nervous, he couldn’t even see straight. 

A stunningly handsome boy stood before him, popping gum and looking quite bored. He had blonde hair like an American, it was long in the front and fell into his eyes that were the color of beautiful jades. He was beautiful. Eiji felt his breathe catch again but for a different reason. He’d never seen someone so beautiful before, he felt inferior. But not only was he gorgeous, he had a presence about him that yelled “Boss.” 

“S-s-sorry, I, ugh, was about to, ugh, head in,” He stammered lamely. The boy blew a bubble and popped it loudly. His jade green eyes widened in disbelief then he shrugged and walked past him. Eiji turned around and watched him. He was flocked with several other boys. Everyone stopped walking and watched him as he walked inside the main doors. He realized he was just like them. Awestruck. 

He gathered himself, feeling quite embarrassed, and headed in. 

The office secretary was very friendly and gave him all his list of classes and paperwork he needed and pointed him in the direction of his new classroom. He was in the honors class, for the smart kids. He didn’t think he was all that smart but he didn’t question it. His entrance exam was received quite well here, he supposed. 

The classroom was bustling with students already seated. They flocked together in groups, he was the only one alone. Again. He didn’t mind though, he preferred it this way. 

He found his assigned seat next to the window. Well, he supposed he could at least enjoy the scenery of the courtyard during lunch, wasn’t so bad. He’d made sure to pack a tasty lunch for his first day, a treat to the horrendous anxiety he felt. 

The bell rang and students filed in and took their seats. No one paid much mind to him, he was easy to look over. He wasn’t overtly handsome, nor did he strike a significant presence in anyones mind. He could blend in perfectly fine. 

 

The classroom door opened and the teacher strolled in. He was in his thirties, maybe, blonde hair and a pleasant looking face. He sat at his desk and started tapping away at his computer as everyone got in their seats and took out their necessary supplies. Eiji followed suit. Homeroom in the morning, followed by literature then biology. This day was going to be long and tedious. He liked school fine, but right now he was too nervous to focus on studying. 

Five minutes went by and the door opened again. Everyone shifted their gaze to the late comer. The boy from earlier stood in the doorway. He looked just as bored as before, still popping his gum. The teacher paid him no attention. The boy walked towards Eiji, his eyes didn’t seem to take him in at all. He found the seat beside him and sat down. He took out a book, not a textbook but an actual book, and started reading. He looked so at ease. Everyone gradually went back to what they were doing. 

“Well, good morning class,” The teacher finally spoke. He stood up in front of the blackboard and started writing. “I am professor Max Lobo, and no that is not my actual last name but what I choose to be called. I will be your homeroom teacher this semester so I hope we can all get along. I do implore each of you to arrive in a timely manner.” He stopped writing and turned around. His eyes seemed to light up as he stared at the boy with the blonde hair and vivid green eyes. Eiji looked at him too, but he was focused only on his book. “Mr. Callenreese, please do try and pay a little bit of attention. I know thats hard for you, but humor me this year.” The class erupted in laughter and only then did the boy look up. He looked around but Eiji had a feeling he had been paying attention the entire time. 

“Oh sorry, Prof, I had no idea class started.” He put his book into the waistband of his pants as he stood up and walked towards the door. “I forgot, I actually have stuff I gotta do so I won’t be able to grace you with my presence after all.” He saluted professor Lobo as he walked out. The class started laughing again, but it was more muffled. Eiji looked down at his desk and found himself smiling. 

 

The day went by uneventfully. He got approached by some kids interested in the new kid but most left him alone. He felt like such a stranger here. These kids had been going to school together their whole lives, he just didn’t belong. They were friendly, of course. But he knew his place. 

At lunch time, he ate by himself. As the day came to an end, he headed home. He would repeat this dull lifestyle for a week before his life would be changed forever.


	2. A Fateful Meeting

On Wednesday he came to school with very little sleep. He was exhausted after staying up all night ready manga. He rubbed his eyes but he needed something to wake him up. 

He was at school a little early today so he went to the library. He could do some study while he was here. He already had loads of work for each of his classes, there didn’t seem to be an end in sight. 

The library was empty this early. He said hello to the librarian who seemed very kind. He walked down the aisle of desks and noticed someone in the back corner. Blonde hair, oozed confidence. Eiji stopped in his tracks. The boy was Ash Callenreese, or Ash Lynx as everyone called him. He was in almost all of his honors classes but he rarely showed up to them. Eiji wondered what he did while he was skipping. When he saw him in the halls he was never alone. He was very curious, but he didn’t want to make it so obvious. What he could gather, Ash was a foreigner brought over by his adoptive father, professor Max Lobo. He had a large gang of kids he controlled, but all they ever did was hang up on the roof wasting time. Eiji wanted to know more but he didn’t have anyone he could really ask. He only knew this much from what he heard in the halls whenever Ash walked past. When he walked, peoples eyes followed him. He demanded attention without asking for it. He was exceptional. 

Eiji realized he was just standing in the middle of the aisle and felt a blush spread across his cheeks. He walked towards the boy and set his books down on the same table. What am I doing? He didn’t know what drove him but it was too late.   
Ash looked up. He wore glasses and his hair was messier then usual. He leaned back in his chair and slipped his glasses off with a coy look on his face. 

“Well, if isn’t the lost boy,” He said. Eiji felt himself blushing harder. He remembered him? 

“What are you doing here so early?” He blurted out. He felt so dumb. Obviously he was studying, what else. 

“I’m reading,” He said. “Do you care to join me?” 

Eiji nodded dumbly and sat down across from him. Ash stared at him with a curious smile and a look in his eyes that seemed to undress Eiji. But he didn’t mind. He felt at ease for some reason. 

“You’re quite bold, most people wouldn’t assume to talk to me as you do.” 

“Why not? You are just someone in my class,” He said bluntly. What was Ash trying to say? Were people afraid of him? He didn’t seem so scary, just intimidating. 

Ash burst out laughing, a sound that rang in Eiji ears as pure bliss. He would remember that sound for a very long time. 

“You are funny, Eiji,” He leaned forward on his elbows and the look in his eyes seemed more intense than before. Hearing him say his name sent chills down his spine. What was this feeling? “You know, I haven’t ever seen you around before.” 

“I just moved here from Izumo,” He said. 

“Ah, that explains it.” 

Eiji felt nervous again, he didn’t know why. All they were doing was talking. But talking to Ash felt different then talking with other people. He felt like Ash was reading his very soul, like anything he said Ash was already expecting. Ash struck him as someone who was very very smart but didn’t let people in on that. 

“You have beautiful eyes,” Eiji blurted out. He slapped his hands over his mouth, shock rattled throughout his body at what he just uttered. He felt like his entire face was red. Red as a tomato. Ash smiled. Eiji felt his heartbeat speed up slightly. He liked seeing him smile. When he walked down the halls or sat at his desk, he did not smile. He looked almost sad. 

“I have been told that before,” He said. “But thank you.” Eiji smiled but he was too embarrassed to look at Ash. 

“Yo, Ash.” He looked up and a boy with a mohawk walked up to them. “Alex needs ya up top.” He was chewing gum too, but he made it look less cool somehow. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. He looked at Eiji through his sunglasses and cocked his head to the right. Eiji could feel him looking him up and down. He sprang up from his seat. He needed to leave. 

“Eiji,” Ash called out. Eiji stopped in his tracks to the doors. “Come by again sometime,” He said. Eiji felt his blushing cheeks redden even further and he sped off out of the library. He could feel Ash’s eyes on him as he left.


	3. The Rooftop

Eiji went back to the library the next morning but Ash was not there. He felt disappointment flood him. Why am I disappointed? He thought to himself curiously. Was he looking forward that much to see Ash again? He supposed he was. 

He left the library and headed to his class. He passed the stairwell leading up to the roof and paused. Was Ash up there? He desperately wanted to go and check. But he didn’t want to seem too eager. 

He headed to class feeling a little sad. 

Ash didn’t show up, but he was used to it by now. He went through the day unable to focus on anything. At one point he thought he saw him walking towards him but it turned out to be someone else. Disappointment gripped his stomach and he bent over, feeling like he might throw up. 

He resigned himself to gather what courage he had and went to the roof. 

A group of students were being rowdy and ignored Eiji as he stepped out into the light. There was two very worn out couches being occupied and about twelve or so kids. He searched each one and his eyes landed on the back of his head. He sat in the middle of one of the couches, back to him. 

Eiji’s feet moved without him telling them to. Funny how they seemed to be doing that a lot lately. 

He walked around the couch and stopped in front of Ash. Everyone stopped messing around and gathered around him. He ignored them and stared only at Ash. 

Ash stared at him for a long time before breaking into a smile.   
“Well, you finally appear, lost boy.” His nickname again. His heart sped up and he hoped they couldn’t see him blush. “Come, sit.” The boy next to him, Kong, leaped up and Eiji reluctantly took his place. Sitting so close to Ash made his hands grow clammy. 

“Thank y-you,” He said after a moment. 

“Yo Ash! Arthur’s headed this way,” someone shouted from the top of the stairs. Everyone jumped to their feet and grabbed any weapons they could that were lying around. Ash didn’t move. Eiji started to move but Ash grabbed his knee and kept him seated. His hand was on his knee. Eiji smothered his mouth so no one could see him smiling like an idiot. 

He looked to the stairwell and a boy with blonde hair slicked back and up like he was permanently standing in wind, appeared. 

“Ash,” He sang out. “This is the last time i’m going to say this. Keep your boys out of my turf or there will be war.” He had a baseball bat and he pointed it towards Ash. Ash’s boys were tense and ready to pounce, like wild cats. 

“Relax, boys,” Ash said, getting to his feet. He walked towards Arthur, hands in his pockets and looking cool as hell. “Arthur doesn’t know what he’s saying. You want a turf war? You got it. But just don’t forget, I don’t pull my punches like you do.” His words were cold as ice and sent chills down Eiji’s spine. 

Eiji watched with growing curiosity. His old school didn’t have gangs like this, at least none he was aware of. 

“Tch,” Arthur spat. “Just head my warning, Ash.” He turned on his heel and left. Eiji could tell that boy feared Ash. 

Ash leaped over the back of the couch gracefully and sat down. Their legs touched, much to Eiji’s delight. Why was he getting so happy over a simple touch? He’s touched people before, but he never felt like this. He was getting carried away. 

“Sorry you had to see that. Stay away from Arthur if you can. He’s got a superiority complex and a taste for kicking asses.” 

“Why are you warning me?” He asked. 

“I like you, don’t want to see you become the next victim of that tyrant.” Ash said it so casually, no one even paid it any mind. But to Eiji, those words were like a poem to his ears. Was this what it felt like to have a friend? 

“You should be careful too,” He said. Ash laughed and everyone around them smiled. 

“You don’t have to worry about me,” He said. Eiji did though, he couldn’t help but worry. 

He skipped his next class to hang out with Ash on the rooftop. He’d never skipped a class a day in his life. He felt exhilarated. Everyone accepted him easily and he found he could be himself and talk with everyone easily. Every once in a while he would feel someone watching him but when he looked around no one was. He did keep eyes on Ash a lot, he liked watching him when he thought no one else was watching. Often times his expression would grow sad and he couldn’t help but wonder why. He wanted to know more. 

The final bell rang and everyone clambered down the stairwell. Ash grabbed Eiji’s collar and tugged him back to stay behind. 

“Stay with me,” He said. Eiji only nodded. Once everyone had gone, Ash let out a sigh. He walked over to the railing and looked out over the city. “I don’t like going home,” He admitted suddenly. 

Eiji walked up beside him and looked at him as he looked at the bright, bustling city before them. “Why not?” He asked. 

“Max usually works late so i’m usually by myself. We have a couple hang out places, me and the boys. But on days like this I don’t have the energy to be around them.” 

Why are you telling me all this, He asked himself. 

Ash looked over at him and his expression was pained. 

“I’ll stay with you, if you want,” Eiji said. 

Ash leaned over and Eiji’s heart stopped. Ash kissed him lightly. Eiji’s eyes widened in shock and he stood there, unable to move. Ash leaned back and smirked. 

“You're cute, Eiji.” It was the first time he’d said his name. Eiji touched his lips, still unable to move. “Are you disgusted with me?” He asked. Somehow Eiji knew he already knew the answer. 

“No,” He croaked out. 

“Do you want to do it again?” He asked. Eiji could only nod. Ash smiled and kissed him again. This time he kissed him a little harder. His tongue parted Eiji’s lips and moved around his own. Eiji found himself moving on instinct. He wrapped his arms around Ash’s neck and pushed him back against the railing and kissed him back. Ash seemed taken by surprise, but then he gave in. 

What was he doing? Why did kissing a boy feel so good? Was it because it’s with Ash? All these questions ran through his head. He broke away from the kiss, but Ash grabbed him around the neck and started kissing his neck. He licked him then bit him. Eiji yelped in surprise and Ash chuckled under his breathe. Eiji felt weak in the knees. He held onto Ash to keep from crumbling to the ground. 

Ash leaned back and wiped his mouth and smiled. 

“You’re a good kisser, Eiji. Lets do it some more.” He walked past Eiji and headed for the stairs. 

“I thought you wanted to stay,” He called out to him. 

“I think i’m okay. You gave me the courage to go home.” He walked backwards, smiling at him. “See ya, lost boy.” He spun around and hopped down the stairs. Eiji stood there staring. 

What was this feeling?


	4. The Lynx

When he got home, he went straight to his room and threw himself on his bed. What was this feeling? His stomach felt knotted and tight, like he might throw up. His face was hot, his heart was fluttering. The feeling of Ash’s lips against his remained fervent in his memory, refusing to be forgotten. He touched his lips, as if the traces would remain. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He felt like a school girl in a shojo manga. Was this love? 

He sat up abruptly. Love? No, that was silly. He wasn’t in love. But he did have to acknowledge his feelings. He liked Ash. 

He broke into a smile and buried his blushing face into his pillows. 

His mom called him down for dinner after he’d spent hours studying and also thinking about Ash. He faced them, hoping they wouldn’t be able to tell from his face his thoughts. 

“Whats wrong?” His mom asked immediately, from the kitchen. She was stirring something that smelled delicious but her hand was still as she waited for his answer. 

“What? N-nothing!” He lied. His mom stared at him and he gave her a smile, hoping that would throw her off his scent. 

“Relax, love. Perhaps Eiji has a crush,” His dad said from the stove. He threw them a grin and Eiji wished he could throw something at him. He was right on the mark. 

“No, I don’t,” He lied once again. He sat down at the table and stared at his plate. He could feel his parents eyes on him and he sat there forcing himself to be calm. 

His parents finally came to the table and they started talking about work. Eiji ate in silence. When he finally finished eating, he ran upstairs and pretended to study. 

As the sun began to set, he grabbed his sneakers and told his dad he was going on a walk. He was restless upstairs, he needed fresh air to think. 

He put in his headphones and started playing his current playlist he had on shuffle. He walked around the neighborhood, which was still new to him. He didn’t know where he was going, but he didn’t mind. There was something beautiful about the idea of getting lost with only the moon to guide him. 

He passed a playground and stopped short. He stared at the illuminated swing set, slide and various attractions. It reminded him of his childhood. He used to love coming to the park to play, often by himself. He didn’t mind it, he liked being alone. 

He walked across the threshold onto the grass and let his nostalgia guide him. He sat down on the swing that was much too small for him.

“Oi,” A voice called to him. He looked to his left where the voice came from and Ash Lynx walked towards him. He had come from the slides. He had headphones dangling around his neck, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his hoodie. His hair was disheveled, his face a mask Eiji couldn’t read.   
“Hey,” He said lamely. 

Ash stood over him, a lazy grin on his face. Under the moonlight, he looked like an ethereal being, too majestic to exist. Just thinking something like that made Eiji’s face redden. Then the thoughts of them kissing filled his mind and he couldn’t control his flush. He slapped his cheeks and squeezed his eyes closed, trying to still his hammering heart. Ash took a seat on the swing next to him and pushed off slightly. 

“I didn’t know you live around here,” Eiji said, trying to fill the awkward silence. Ash stared up at the sky and he had a soft, almost longing look on his face. 

“I lied earlier. I don’t want to go home.” He leaned his head on the chain swing and closed his eyes. 

“I can stay with you…if you want,” Eiji murmured. 

“Don’t you have a home to go back to? Parents that’ll miss you?” 

Damn. “Yeah, I guess I do.” He felt dumb for offering the idea. Just then, another idea popped into his head. “You can come to my house!” 

Ash looked at him with a surprised look on his face and then started laughing. 

“You’re funny, Eiji.” Ash got to his feet and grabbed the chains that held the swing together by Eiji’s face and leaned down. Their lips met, much to Eiji’s surprise. He closed his eyes after the momentary shock wore off and they kissed deeply. He didn’t know why, but it felt truly right. He didn’t even feel bothered that they were in a public park and anyone could see them. 

Being with Ash made him feel confident, like he had nothing to worry about. He didn’t care that Ash was a boy, he didn’t care about the way his heart beat like a drum in his chest for all to hear. He suddenly didn’t care about anything but Ash. He just wanted this to keep going. 

Ash broke away from the kiss first and smiled. He ran his thumb across Eiji’s bottom lip and then licked his thumb with a fiery look in his emerald green eyes. “I wanna see your room, Eiji,” He whispered. Eiji’s face bloomed red, like a flower. The way he said it was oddly erotic. He nodded nervously and led Ash back to his home. As they walked, he wondered what he could say, he felt like he was walking in a dream. 

“You know, Eiji, I noticed you actually have a nice body. Do you play sports?” 

“Oh, um, thanks, yeah I do. I’m a pole vaulter. Well, I was in my old school.” He didn’t really wanna get into it, it would only make him feel sad. Truth is, he was on his way to nationals when he injured his knee and had to stop vaulting. It hurt like hell to give up a dream he’d lived his whole life for. 

“I see. I would love to see you do it sometime,” Ash said. He put his hands behind his head and walked with his eyes closed, a curious smile on his lips. 

“I don’t really vault anymore, I injured myself last year.” 

Ash opened one eye to look at him then shrugged. “I would have liked to see it, then.” 

Something about the way he said it, there was no pity in his voice. No awkward apology. Eiji felt a wave of sorrow at not being able to show Ash the true athlete he was. 

“Do you play sports, Ash?” 

“Nah, i’m not really a “team player,” if you will.” 

“Oh,” He said. The silence crept up on them once again and he dropped his head, silently kicking himself for wasting such a golden opportunity to get closer to Ash. 

A moment later, the sound of tires screeching, the bright lights of a cars headlights and the horn being blown. Eiji snapped his head up and before he could think, he pushed Ash out of the way. The car sped past them, so close to nicking Eiji he felt like he’d seen his life flash before his eyes. The car drove away. His whole body was on fire, he felt like crying. He opened his eyes after a moment and looked in front of him. His hands were pressed against the wall and Ash was pressed against him. Somehow, Eiji had pushed Ash out of the way of the swerving car and then proceeded to shield him with his body. Why did he do that? 

“Woah,” Ash said softly. Both their breathing was ragged, Ash’s eyes were wild like a true lynx. He leaned down and kissed Eiji, this time with tongue. He ran his hands in Eiji’s hair and Eiji ran his hands along Ash’s waist, the moment overtaking all his judgements. 

 

After the kiss, they finally got to his house. The house was silent, the lights were off. He led Ash through the living room and up the stairs to his bedroom. He turned the light on and shut the door.   
“My parents are down the hall so we have to be quiet,” He said. He took off his jacket and sat down on the bed. He watched Ash as he walked around the room, inspecting everything. He suddenly felt very vulnerable and self-conscious. 

Ash knelt down in front of his bookshelf and looked at the dozens of manga he had lined up in alphabetical order. He felt like a total loser. 

“I love this series,” Ash said, showing him the cover of a volume. 

“Me too!” Eiji pulled his knees to his chest and watched Ash flip through the pages. He didn’t mind this after all. Having a friend like Ash, it felt natural. He just wanted to get closer to him. “You can borrow it if you want,” He added. 

“Thanks!” Ash beamed at him. He set the volume down and walked over to the bed. He climbed across it and climbed over Eiji. He grabbed his face in his hands and leaned down to kiss him softly. Eiji wanted to ask him why, why he kept kissing him. Did Ash like him? Eiji was pretty sure he did, but he wanted reassurance. But kissing Ash felt too good to stop and ask questions. 

Ash pushed him down on his back and started kissing his neck. Eiji felt a certain part of him spring into action and he worried if Ash could feel it. Ash’s knee was between his legs, pressing into his crotch. The more pressure applied, the harder he got. Eiji covered his face, which was turning beet red. 

“You don’t like it?” Ash asked, sitting back. 

Eiji shook his head. 

“Do you want to stop?” 

Eiji shook his head. He heard a chuckle come from Ash and he uncovered just his eyes. Ash ran his hand through his blonde hair and sighed. 

“Should we go to sleep?” Eiji nodded. Its not that he didn’t want to do that stuff, because he did. But he was confused and scared. He had no experience in this department, and he didn’t want to look lame in front of Ash. 

“I’m sorry,” He muttered. Ash shrugged and pulled off his t shirt. Eiji looked away from him. 

“Don’t worry, Lost boy. I like you, so don’t think this is the end.” 

“Wait, you like me?!” He nearly shouted. Ash covered his mouth quickly and laughed. 

“Ssh, your parents might hear. And yes, I do. I thought that was obvious.” Eiji grabbed some spare pajamas and handed them over. He felt giddy, for some reason. 

Ash liked him? But in what way, exactly? He sort of knew what his feelings for Ash were, but he didn’t want to be the only one who felt this way. Maybe Ash only liked kissing him. Eiji was pretty sure he was in love with Ash. He hoped Ash could feel the same way. 

They went to bed, laying back to back. He could hear Ash’s breathing and he listened to it. He couldn’t sleep a wink that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick thank you to anyone that has been waiting for the next chapter, I hope you enjoy this! I'll hopefully update the chapters a little more frequently from now on!


End file.
